bits of this and that leading to adornment

I am busily turning out necklaces and bracelets, inserting at least one of my "Magic Meditation" beads in most. People are always amazed and a bit shocked when they first see one, never imagining something like THAT. It takes several steps and a good many days to create, but so worth it. I am in love with them.

I find myself thinking over each piece, consulting my Spirit Guide Andra, to get the perfect piece for someone. Most of these will eventually reach people I don't know, so it's helpful to have a spirit guide who knows just everyone...in the spirit world, at least...

Being disabled and with limited energy, those around me have been talking about how to get them marketed. I don't care about making a profit on them, and my feeling is that someone who can't pay for the materials (I can't help using the best, because how can they be helpful otherwise?) should be able to pay what they can and no worries...

After all, the spirits know of my physical needs and if they care enough to watch so carefully how I make these pieces (including sometimes just ripping apart and starting over), they also want to keep me going, right?

BTW, did you know that photo of me was taken many years ago when my kids were little? I am now a gray-haired, wobbling sort of shaman. I can still give readings, and act as medium when needed, but the energy required limits me to maybe three times a week. I hear my kids discussing prices, but I'm of the old school, where I believe that it's fine to accept a gift, but that has to come from the heart, and obviously, must fit the seeker's ability.

I don't think I've written of this: I most like readings "Under the Blanket" which means simply sitting together with a shared blankey over our laps, and it becomes the altar. This implies a friendship sort of reading, or like a member of the tribe coming to snuggle next to a grandmother to get a bit of wisdom and a peek into the Otherworld, which for me is so much larger than any specific belief system. I see no reason not to borrow from here and there to find whatever fits.

Rather like the jewelry.

Somebody twisted my ankle...

I suppose I could delete that bogus posting, but it's a cautionary tale re. updating passwords, and so forth. It's interesting to think about an author who wishes more to be published somewhere than to have name recognition. (Speaking of name recognition, most of my published stuff is under the name Carrie Martin, meaning I wished more to carry my new husband's name than to keep my old name. Weird. Love can hit hard, even when you're a feminist.)

Depression

Always a bad sign when you can't remember your password...

I'd hoped the bouts of depression the last month had to do with being ill, but no...it's just time to adjust the meds again. Each time it happens, I realize I've forgotten just how nasty it can get. And my heart aches when I realize how life must be for my oldest son. He suffers too (like most of his siblings) but we've never found a med that works for him.

When I was younger, I thought my depression was directly tied to the horrors of my childhood, but it's pretty clear we've got a genetic component here. At least, that's what the doctors tell us. My kid's dad suffers from depression as well, so they get the hit from both sides.

It was so scary watching my daughter with postpartum depression...fortunately, we already had her on meds and the docs were watching her because of my history (I'll never forget the day I sat crying, certain that the only way I could save my two little darlings was to kill them--thankfully, I was already on meds and had a good doctor watching me. I sometimes wonder just how bad it can get, and then you see in the news something about some poor new mother going off the deep end).

So anyway, I pretty much shut down, unable to even talk to anyone for a few days. It's still a struggle (always takes a while for the new med to kick in) but I can see little improvements day by day. At least the paranoia is gone now...

It's too overwhelming to think about tracking nutrition just yet, but I'm trying to watch the clock and eat something nutritious every few hours. That's so much more difficult than it sounds. I'm also getting into the pool...luckily, I've had it all to myself the past few days, which helps.

I know there are so many others out there, suffering with this disease that saps the life right out of you. My heart goes out to them all...

...and the next day...

flip side of getting to add the 10 minute strong swim...I hurt all over!! Didn't manage any sleep last night, but it wasn't unexpected, and it underlines the need to go slowly, and to give the body enough rest and nutrition to keep repairing.
I've been a little low on protein lately, which is a no-no, but it's summer and the veggies are so wonderful!! I just can't seem to help stuffing myself with them. My husband is so grand at cooking them for me: last night was the xmas dish, he said: baby spinach and broccoli for the green and red pepper and strawberries for the red. It's great to have a personal chef!!

Milestones

Whoo hoo!! At the end of PT today, they put me in the deep tank to see if I was ready to swim...my strokes are all good and I now have permission to add swimming with my Zoomers!

Also, I was tested and my left grip has come up (from zero when I started) to 10 pounds! Sounds puny, but I think back a couple months and am very happy about the improvement.

To top it off, today's my anniversary!!

here I am...

8 hospitalizations, 2 near death episodes, and I think the basic problem is fixed (they finally sent me to Mayo--talk about great care!!)

Struggling back; in physical therapy now...

freaked out me...

man, I nearly bought it this time: just got out of the hospital, two weeks for this fifth venture since the end of July. Serious blood infection and dozens of abcesses in my liver. Still on heavy duty antibiotics which leave me dizzy and drowsy...