QOD: What colors of streamers are on your Maypole?

After that paper mowshay woman come to the Holler, Miz Tyler gits herself a notion to keep on with that Maypole business. Got us a pole now, ain’t we? Folks been using that pole to tack up this and that, but nobody mind giving the pole over to streamers and such for one day. ‘Course, I’m thinking myself how that tacking up stuff give her the idea in the first place. Started with that preaching feller come through that summer. One of them screaming banshee types what gits folks rolling on the ground being saved and all. Put him up a big old tent in Dooley’s meadow, which is right handy for dunking folks in that good swimming spot. Anyhow, this preaching feller tacks up some yeller signs bidding one and all to come along for the fun, and one of them gits pinned to the pole. Stayed up there long after that feller’s come and gone. Then folks just naturally follow suit, pinning up invites to quilting bees and potluck suppers and please keep a lookout for Dooley’s bull, what got out again.

So Miz Tyler goes on down to Bascomb and finds out streamers ain’t coming cheap. She special orders her a bunch of colored toilet paper, figuring that’ll do all right and maybe she could just double it over for extra strength or somewhat. Then she gits her this book from that big library down there what tells how to do dances and such, and has this bit about Maypole dancing. We all’s thinking that’s a right good idea, seeing as how the kids made such a mess of it the first time.

Turn out it ain’t such a hard dance, ‘cause it don’t matter none what kinda steps you’re using, so long as them kids gits into the right place and moves about the same speed as everybody else. It’s pretty much them standing in a circle ‘round the pole boy, gal, boy, gal, with all them gals going clockwise and all them boys going counter-clockwise. Easy to remember, right? Gals mostly do go clockwise, and boys will be boys, after all. Only time gals gits going counter is when boys start up getting affectionate. Keeps up like that, too, only if you don’t go on chasing and pleading and bargaining, they gits right huffy.

Now the next thing is, you gotta remember to go to the right of the first person you’s facing, and then to the left of the next one, and on like that. Just sorta weaving in and out, and the kids gits that down inside a month of practicing. Miz Tyler’s getting plumb excited, and we all’s figuring we maybe gonna see us a genuine Maypoling after all.

So that toilet paper come, and it’s half pink and half sky blue. Boys commences saying it’s a sissy color, that blue, but they quieten some when Miz Tyler says the only other thing she coulda got was flowers and bees and such. Dooley points out that they’ll have to wait ‘til the sun’s up good to get tacking that pink and blue to the top of the pole, elsewise the dew’s gonna make a mess of it. So’s we just figure that’ll be part of the show, watching Dooley and his boy climb them ladders and tack up that folded over pink and blue toilet paper.

Looks real pretty, too, once they gits it up, and Dooley’s boy only give us a scare once, threatening to come down that ladder the quick way. Barked his shin and bit his tongue right through, but he been doing that since he commenced toddling.

On come them kids then, and stand around the pole in Sunday best, them boys fidgeting whilst we sing a bit. They picks up a piece, each one, and gits dancing, and it ain’t but half a minute ‘til them boys is hitting the rowdy button. Well, Miz Tyler don’t have young’uns of her own, and she ain’t a schoolmarm, neither, so she skipped the upfront bit where you tell them boys what kinda grease you’re aiming to boil their butts in if’n they don’t behave proper.

As you might guess, toilet paper ain’t built for rowdying, no matter what color it is or how much it cost to special order it. Miz Tyler’s bawling like a heifer meeting the bull first time, and all the ma’s is slapping at all the pa’s saying as how it ain’t funny so stop laughing and give their boy what he got coming. The harder they slap and fume, the harder them men gits to laughing. Boys grow to be men, like the saying goes, but they don’t leave the boy behind.

After a bit, everybody settles down somewhat, and the male persuasion gits to noticing they got a damn big bit of persuading if’n they’s gonna be any affection hitting the Holler for a good long spell. So we all fetches more toilet paper, and whilst Dooley and his boy tacks it up, we all cuffs them boys’ ears and gits to threatening like nobody’s business. We knowed we hit the persuading point when them women stops fuming and gits telling us no need to get medieval over it. Just boys being boys, after all.

So this time, them boys is good as gold and we gits us a proper wove Maypole, and I do say it looked right pretty even being all in white. Miz Tyler’s drying up them tears and smiling what with all the praise, and last I hear, she’s making plans for that Maypole eight years to come.