QOD: Dial a # at random & preach a sermon in a deep Southern accent.

(Dialing)
--Smith residence; Betty speaking.
Hey there, Miz Smith. Can I take the liberty of calling you Betty?
--Um…I guess so.
Could you hold on one itty bitty minute, Betty?
--Ah…sure.
(Dialing)
*Hello.
Good morning, sir. Could I ask your name?
*Aaron.
--What’s going on?
*What?
For the Lord saith that where two or three be gathered in His sweet soul-saving name, there shall He also be.
*I’m Jewish.
--Really? Orthodox?
Now folks, listen here. We love our Jewish brethren something fierce, but they all’s gotta get down to accepting the Lord Jesus as their Savior.
*I guess I’m sort of a limping Orthodox.
--Oh, that’s okay. My mother keeps a kosher household, but she married a Catholic. I don’t judge.
*You sound nice. What’s your name?
--Betty.
*Short for Elizabeth?
There be but one name for all folks to be saved by.
--(laughing) Short for Bethany, if you can believe it. Kids at school used to tease me by calling me Bethany Home Road.
*Holy cow! You live in the Phoenix area?
Woe unto those who never get around to calling on the name of Jesus.
--Mesa.
*Ha! I live in Chandler.
Woe, and double woe to them all what don’t call on His blessed name.
--Hey, you know where Bookman’s is?
*The one by that 99 cent grocery store?
For the devil cometh by tempting and trying ever last darn one of the children of men, and the great and powerful Lord be the only One saving us.
--Yep, that’s the one. I was planning on running over there this afternoon.
*Great! I’ll be the guy in the red T-shirt.
Long be the way and troubled of them what don’t confess His name.
--Okay! Two o’clock or thereabouts?
It’s an evil and adulterous generation—
*Fine. See you there.
--Bye. (click)
* (click)
Hellfire and damnation! (Dialing)
^^^Goddammit! I’m a day sleeper, you idiot!
Could you hold on just one itty bitty minute?