QotD: Radio wire is often used to make bird nests. What station do they listen to?

While this may seem like a trick question, a little thought will bring us to a clear resolution on this writing problem.

You probably thought: radio…radio… isn’t that the wire-LESS transmission of electromagnetic waves (frequency 10 kilohertz to 300,000 megahertz) through space? You’ve got a point there, because there certainly is less wire used in this thought problem than some might suppose. More on that later. For now, let’s stick to radio. Many consider radio to be short for radiotelegraphy, but in fact, radio is long for radi. People get carried away sometimes, as in vodi, which became vodio (spelled voh-dioh for the non-with-it) and then, in the playful mouths of teens, became vodio-doh. Radi, as you know, is half a diami, while radi-oh! skips the circumscription as well as at least some of the circumlocution to which the diami would otherwise doom us. If you get a small foam ball and stick four thousand wooden skewers in from every which way, you can better envision radi-ANT properties. Now that we’re clear on that, finish bandaging your fingers and we’ll move on.

Wire, a metallic strand, usually pliable and often electrically insulated, gained its name in the fourteenth century when people continually asked its inventor why are (why-er) you making that? Because electricity had not yet been invented, he didn’t know, and his community decided to burn him as a warlock. Luckily for him and his useful invention, the black plague rescued him in the nick of time, which is another way of saying he made it just under the why-er.

Now, to understand radio wire, consider the wire fox terrier, with all those bristling, buzzing wires radiating outward. Are you the sort of idiot who wants to ring the doorbell? Go ahead, you wiseacre (a term placed next to wire in the dictionary to commemorate doorbell ringing fools who brought the full vigor of the wire fox terrier upon themselves and rapidly became strewn over a large plot of land).

We move now to bird nests, or bird’s nests, which is the more correct term. You might recall your mother’s instructions to you upon rising and wandering down to the mouth-watering smell of pancakes: not until you comb that bird’s nest, missy. However, one need not spend ten hours tossing and turning to achieve this effect; simply sticking a finger in a light bulb socket will suffice.

Now that we have analyzed these terms, answering the question is simplicity itself. The sun peeks over the horizon, ringing the day’s doorbell, so to speak, in an effort to elicit response. One of two things will happen, dear writers:

Lo, there is fruit within the nest, an egg, or egghead, if you will;
Woe, the nest is empty, or empty-headed.

The woes remain stationary.
The lo’s reach for stationery.

Which station do you listen to?