QotD: Please describe how you could take the peel off an apple all in one go:

1. Ask Edward Scissorhands to do it for you.

2. Put apple on stump. Drop anvil on top. Peel will be off apple.

3. Put one drop of Nanobots #31724 at blossom end. Wait three minutes while they separate skin from flesh. Squeeze fruit out.

4. Boil until good and mushy. Squeeze fruit out.

5. Find someone named Apple. Flay him. (Ick! Why did you want to know that?)

6. On boring date: get flat toothpick. Insert carefully under skin at blossom end. Take your time easing skin from fruit, being careful to leave skin in one piece. The edges may be jagged. Hum the tune to “I Gave My Love a Cherry.” Occasionally murmur alternate words just under your breath: I’d love to shove this Gary (or whatever his name is) right off his chair; I’d love to throw this Larry (or whatever) out by his hair; I’d love to toss this Harry (whatever) right out the door; I’d love to see him, like Poe said: nevermore. If he asks you what you’re singing, shrug your shoulders and smile. The second verse follows: How can I shove this…etc. Third verse solution is up to you. Once rid of your date, eat apple. If he comes back, spit seeds at him.

7. Cast inside-out spell on apple. Eat fruit. Skin will remain. Caution: wear protective glasses to prevent spell from casting seeds in your eyes.

8. Declare spelling free-for-all. Holding clapper tightly, shove handle of bell into core. Yank it out again, relieving apple of peal in one go.

9. How to take pill off Ann Apple: it’s easy—she’s only six. Save her from a life of degradation. Return Ann to her mother and tell her Flintstone vitamins are addictive.

10. Apply vanishing cream to apple peel. Wait. Dare you to eat what’s left.

Apple core!
Baltimore!
Who’s your friend?
Shout the name of the person you’d most like to pelt with the core.
Pelt away.