QOD: The squish of mud between your toes; how would you live your life as a frog?

Was a cousin o’ Meryl Dolan’s what started poor Fay off. Had him a fairy tale book what belonged to his momma or sister or somewhat. Oh, it had right purty pictures, not to mention these wild tales o’ dragons ‘n’ knights in shinin’ armor. All them kids in the holler come scramblin’ ‘round like newborn pups aimin’ for a teat, just tryin’ to get they eyes on that book. Took to playin’ at it, too, dressin’ up in ol’ pieces o’ cardboard box for armor ‘n’ whackin’ each other with piddly ol’ bits o’ branches for swords. Had ‘em a big rock to tie a fair maiden to ‘n’ all. ‘Course that were just play, ‘n’ other than havin’ fits tryin’ to get them kids to do they’all’s chores, weren’t no harm done.

‘Cept for Fay, who took to heart this ol’ tale ‘bout a gal kissin’ a frog to make a prince outa him. Now I better tell y’all ‘bout Fay, who warn’t much a one for patience. ‘Stead o’ settin’ on down ‘n’ hearin’ the whole tale start to finish, she just gits a’goin’ on findin’ that frog. Started comin’ home ever night squish full o’ mud ‘n’ slime from tryin’ to find him, her little ol’ face screwed up from the nasty o’ kissin’ a couple dozen frogs without gettin’ a good result.

After a bit, she figures she missed some kinda hint in the book, so she goes beggin’ that cousin to read it to her agin. ‘Course, he ain’t never read the whole thing to her afore, ‘n’ she’s off like a shot this time when she gits a new clue, so’s she don’t hear it all this time neither. Seems like it were a princess with a crown what kissed that frog, so Fay finds her some old wire ‘n’ aluminum foil, ‘long with some colored beads her momma give to stop her beggin,’ ‘n’ she commences makin’ herself a crown. Says no ol’ frog’s gonna know for sure, ‘n’ it just might be she’s a for sure ‘n’ true princess anyhow. Nobody can tell whichaways magic’s gonna work, ‘n’ maybe some queen done dumped her baby in the holler ‘n’ made everbody forgit about her doin’ it.

So some time goes by ‘n’ all that happen was that crown gits as dirty as the rest o’ her. Oh, she give it a shine ever night after her momma gits through scrubbin’ her skin half off, but it’s lookin’ a wreck. So off she goes to that cousin agin, ‘n’ this time she see how she got to have a ball to lose for the froggy prince to find for her. Now y’all can see this comin’: nary a week goin’ by ‘n’ ever durn ball in the holler goin’ missin.’ Fay gits more’n one lecture ‘bout the sin o’ stealin,’ but she got this fixation in her head that she’s a gol durn princess in disguise ‘n’ everbody’s her subject so she got herself a right. Easy enough to find them balls, all right, ‘cause she aimed ‘em all down to the swampy grounds where you go expectin’ to find frogs. Gits right tiresome ‘til somebody think to read that sorry story to her agin.

Comes out she see her mistake purty quick. That princess in the book didn’t go kissin’ the frog ‘cause he axed her to, no sir-ee. She up ‘n’ near puked thinkin’ o’ that, so’s that ol’ frog says she gots to take him home to live with her. Princess ain’t havin’ none o’ that neither, but later the king say she gotta ‘cause it’s only fair. She don’t like it much, but that frog gotta sleep on her pillow right by her own little head.

So Fay commences bringin’ home one frog after t’other, smackin’ ‘em down on her pillow ‘n’ expectin’ to have her a prince by mornin.’ Y’all can figure how that one went. Fay’s momma goin’ nuts by this time, what with the house smellin’ o’ frog ‘n’ swamp ‘n’ her havin’ to wash the beddin’ ever day along with her squirrel head daughter. They’s folks hintin’ ‘bout takin’ that gal out to the woodshed, but her daddy say he learnt long time ago that once Fay gits a idea in her head, ain’t nothin’ gonna stop her ‘til somethin’ else come along to shove it out.

Fay goes on up to that cousin agin, but the man’s ‘bout had his fill. He say he ain’t gonna read it but one more time, ‘n’ if she don’t sit still ‘n’ hear the whole durn thing, he gonna toss that book in the fire. That settles her down some ‘n’ she sets on down to listen. Turns out that frog in the story ain’t after nothin’ but frettin’ that princess. Wants to eat outer her spoon, drink outer her cup, git carried ‘round in her pocket ‘n’ have her read stories to him. ‘Course she can git outa all this if’n she was to just go on ‘n’ kiss him, but she just ain’t gonna do it. Then one day she gits right fed up ‘n’ she throws that ol’ frog right hard ‘gainst the wall. Big ol’ splat ‘n’ presto chango, he stops bein’ a frog ‘n’ commences bein’ a handsome prince. So then he’s proclaimin’ his undyin’ love, ‘n’ y’all might think that’s a pitiful thing to go doin’ after she flang him ‘gainst a wall, but it seems he’d had him a right hard time findin’ a princess what’d go ‘n’ lose her temper, which was the only thing could break that gol durn magic spell. Most princesses, it seem, got ever so lovely manners ‘n’ they smile sweet ‘n’ kiss any ol’ frog what finds ‘em a ball. Ain’t ‘xacly the kinda tale I’s thinkin’ anybody ought to go tellin’ a young gal, but I shore seen the pictures in that book. One page she’s flyin’ him ‘cross the room ‘n’ the next he’s a smoochin’ her.

Fay sets a spell after the story’s done told, lookin’ kinda blank. ‘Course, we all’s hopin’ that silly endin’ done put her off it permanent like. Nope. Next day she got her a whole bucket o’ frogs ‘n’ she’s peltin’ ‘em ‘gainst the side o’ her daddy’s barn. Oh, it were one nasty mess o’ squashed frog. She gits this mule stubborn look on her face when the pail’s empty, ‘n’ her momma know right then ‘n’ there this frog thing done took ahold o’ her good ‘n’ proper.

Last I heared, Fay was still at it, fetchin’ frogs in a bucket ‘n’ flingin’ ‘em ‘gainst the barn. ‘Course, now they’s got a big ol’ sign out the front ‘n’ folks is comin’ from as far as Bascomb ‘n’ sometimes a piece farther to have theirselves a picnic lunch or a nice dinner. Fay’s momma’s got a gift for cookery, ‘n’ them frogs ain’t half bad with a few secret spices, ‘specially the legs.