QOD: You woke up on the ceiling. What happened?

Them Dawsons was what folk kindly call big-boned. Husky. Healthy appetites, right fond of the dinner table, and polite enough to welcome sixths as well as seconds. Now I hear city folk got bad enough manners to poke fun at them with double chins, but here in the Holler, folk feel young’uns following in the footsteps of they own elders is fit and proper. So little Mindy Dawson, or might be I should say young ‘stead of little, anyhow, this Mindy might of looked like a big bubble coming down the street when she got on her pink dress, but she had her a right pretty face, and her hair was a thick sheaf of gold hanging down to what mighta been a waist in a lesser gal. Weren’t no lack of fellers standing around with they tongues hanging out over that gal, and not just them what loves a roly-poly, neither.

Problem was, Mindy goes and sets her heart on Elijah Doone, who been pining over Becky Mead since they was toddling. A right silly mooning, as ever last jack one of us could see, but there ain’t no argufying with them Cupid type arrows what get pitched in the wrong direction. Nothing to do but wait it out, ‘til that flying mischief-maker zips in again and shoots a bit straighter. ‘Course, while we’s waiting, that Mindy lassos herself a peculiar thought, being that Elijah got his eye on Becky ‘cause she growed outa her chubby years into this gangling, slip right through the straw if she ain’t careful kinda gal. They’s plenty of folk try to get Mindy in a reasoning mood, but she ain’t having none of that. You seen it afore, I’s betting, ‘cause it ain’t a new tale by any means.

Mindy heads on down to that patch of wood t’other side of Taylors, where this Princess person live. If you ain’t heard of her, she ain’t nothing royal, but her folks give her that name. Now, some say that Princess ain’t nothing but a honest and genuine witch. We got old folk ‘round about ready to swear she been down in that cabin of hers since afore they come into the world theirselves, which be a uncommon good trick for a woman don’t look one day over five and twenty. I ain’t saying I got any opinion on that whatsoever. I’s only telling what happened to Mindy, who come prancing outa them woods looking like a cream-soaked cat. Asked Princess to make her lighter, is what, and durn if she don’t feel lighter already.

Hard to say if whatever spell Princess done cast was working, ‘cause Mindy still look like the full moon in her Sunday white, but she goes on smiling and we ain’t seen that for a heap of days. Anyhow, whilst that Princess done a queer thing or two, if’n you go listening to some of them old folk, she ain’t never done outright mean, so we all’s thinking Mindy ain’t got nothing to worry over. She goes on looking as round as ever, but over that next week she gets to dancing along where she was trudging afore. Oh, she were something to see, all right. Wearing green, she were a giant pea bouncing along on ballerina toes. Got so happy she commenced singing, and she weren’t half bad at that, neither.

One morning, to hear her momma tell it, Mindy wakes up hollering. Her momma skedaddles down the hall to see what’s ailing her daughter, and finds Mindy ain’t in her bed. Nope, somehow that gal is up on the ceiling.

Now her momma don’t do nothing but drop down her jaw and stare. Mindy’s papa come along just then, shove his wife aside to get a look, and drop his jaw just the same, only he got something to say as well. “Come on down from there, you silly gal. You cain’t be thinking that’s proper.”

Mindy give it a good try, pushing and kicking against the ceiling so as to launch herself down to the floor. She come down a foot or two, but then she go bobbing right back up. It don’t take much imagination to see they got theirselves a problem. Mindy rolls on over so’s her face is up, and she gets crawling over to the door. Bit of a climb over the wall above the door, but she get over okay, and then she’s in the hall. Ain’t ‘til she make it to the privy that she thinks on how to get down to use the facilities, so to speak, and they’s plumb out of ideas on that. In the end, her momma fetches a bucket. Had one little problem there, ‘cause it seems Mindy’s so light that everything coming from Mindy is light as well. She finally get it right, and her momma carry that pail upside down through the house whilst Mindy scrubs the stain on the ceiling with a rag her momma sent up to her on the end of a broom. Then it’s another puzzle for Miz Dawson what to do when she gets that bucket outside. In the end, Mister Dawson tells her to set it upright, and they stand by watching whilst Mindy’s water goes floating up and up ‘til it’s plumb out of sight. That sobers ‘em some. One thing for sure, Mindy ain’t gonna be leaving the house.

Mindy’s papa goes on down to have him a talk with that Princess. Ain’t never done that afore, ‘cause he don’t believe in superstitious nonsense, but he got him a daughter on the ceiling and cain’t get her down. Princess won’t say nothing but for being sure Mindy will come down when she got a mind to. When he thinks on getting rough with her, she give him a look struck his blood cold, and he drag on home, none the wiser.

So Mindy miss three, maybe four days of school, and she gits crying over that, ‘cause it means she cain’t see Elijah, the love of her life, and she certain sure don’t want him coming to visit whilst she’s up there on the ceiling. Plumb embarrassing, that is. She goes crawling ‘round the house all day, bawling like a sick calf and leaving tearstains all over the ceiling. Come Sunday, her momma gets demanding her papa think up something, ‘cause it ain’t right missing church when they got them such trouble. One of Mindy’s brothers come up with the idea to strap something heavy on her, and then they’s gonna tie some lines on her and haul that gal to church. Oh, that were a sight, seeing Mindy floating on down the road like a big old balloon, with old Fred Black’s anvil swinging below, and all Mindy’s family hanging on for dear life to them ropes binding her so’s she don’t go flying up to heaven premature like.

They gits there all right, but you can bet ain’t nobody listening to the parson that day. Folks try to be polite and all, but they just cain’t help twisting they heads up to get a look at Mindy bouncing toward the rafters. She ain’t crying none by now, but her face is all red and swoll due to the bawling she done all week. Parson gives up after a bit, bidding us all to remember the Dawsons in our prayers, and we gets on out to the picnic lunch. Folks is right nice about spelling the Dawsons on the ropes so’s they can get a bite to eat. Mindy’s looking right sick ‘til her rival Becky Mead goes on over with a plate of all Mindy’s favorites, and stands there smiling, ready to feed her like she was a bitty baby. Mindy give her a ugly stare for a bit, but Becky keeps on smiling, and in the end, she feeds that whole plate of food to Mindy.

Dawsons have to haul her back home the same way they come, but Mindy wakes up in her own bed the next morning. “’Bout time you come down to earth,” said her papa. She give him a smile and say it were right interesting getting a different look at things, but she’s figuring on keeping her own two feet on the ground henceforward.