QotD: You're in the grocery store with a broken cart. How will you ever be that hungry?

1. You’re a wuss. Give up and go home.

2. If you only need beer and chips, put the chips in one hand and a six-pack in the other. You can also stick half a gallon of ice cream under your arm, but do this last or you’ll have melted goo running into your sneakers.

3. Get another cart.

4. Develop a limp like Walter Brennan on “The Real McCoys.” (If you remember seeing the show when it originally aired, you’re well ahead of the game.) Ask store personnel for one of the electric carts and ride around to get your goodies.

5. Wait until you see someone checking ingredients on the back of a can, box or bottle. Quickly dump their stuff in your broken cart and take theirs.

6. Move the cart a little to see which wheel is giving you the trouble. Give it a good kick. This should fix the problem, unless you’re completely lame. In that case, see #4.

7. Try pushing (or pulling) at an oblique angle (from one of the corners of the cart). This may be adequate. If not, go to #8.

8. Go directly to the produce aisle and allow your cart to hit whatever displays it finds offensive. Store personnel will come to your assistance.

9. If response time is slow in #8, go to liquor section and repeat.

10. Go to safeway.com or another likely website and order your groceries online. A nice man will come in a big truck and put your neatly bagged goodies on your kitchen counter. You will be charged a delivery fee, but this will save you hours of pain and aggravation, will decrease your ingestion of nasty microbes released into the air by coughing, sputtering, or spewing children, and will prevent your being assaulted by store personnel or other shoppers.