QotD: Do you believe that forks are evolved from spoons?

Yes, although the mystery is deeper than one might at first suppose.

Let us first consider the spoon, a utensil consisting of a small shallow bowl on a handle, used in preparing, serving or eating food. (The girl stirred the sauce with a spoon; the woman spooned the sauce over the pizza dough; Mom spooned the stew into the bowls; Tom lifted his plate and spooned his dinner straight into his mouth.)

A spoon may also be something similar to this utensil or its bowl, such as a shiny curved metallic fishing lure, or a paddle or an oar with a curved blade. (Mom quietly, gently spooned the little boat closer to the deep pool, while Sis put the spoon on a string and dragged it through the water, hoping a fish would bite.)

A woman also created what is now known as the three wood golf club. Her husband agreed to play her silly game of batting a ball around if she’d carry his two clubs. She wearily agreed, determined to wedge in some exercise for her roly-poly husband before he died of a heart attack the doctor assured her was coming if she didn’t take immediate action. Naturally, he grabbed her club as soon as he saw how effective it was, dubbing it HIS number three club.

Spoon is also used as a verb, as in:

To lift, scoop up or carry with or as if with a spoon. (Mom tenderly spooned the sleeping child into her arms and carried him to bed, then tiptoed down the stairs to similarly convey the other seven, one at a time, hoping Dad’s snoring wouldn’t wake them up.)

To fish with a spoon lure. (See Mom and Sis paddling toward dinner above)

To give a ball an upward scoop (What Dad and Tom were doing in the backyard while the womenfolk were cooking)

To engage in amorous behavior, such as caressing. (Tom, I’m not doing this one more time without two minutes of spooning first.)

The word spoon comes from the Old English spon (a chip of wood) which men insisted on spelling spawn. I’m sorry, that’s just the way they are.

Let us now examine the fork, which is a utensil with two or more prongs used for eating or serving food. (Tom forked a tasty tidbit into his mouth while Dad forked the rest of the meat out to his friends, while calling out to the little woman that she needed to cook up some more.)

A fork may also indicate an implement with two or more prongs used for raising, carrying, piercing or digging. (This is kind of a guy thing, especially the piercing.)

Or a fork may indicate bifurcation or separation into two or more branches or parts, the point at which such bifurcation or separation occurs, or one of the branches of such bifurcation or separation. (Sis planted one foot firmly against the fork of the branch as she reached for the eggs. Mom waited patiently at the fork in the road, knowing Dad would eventually remember he was supposed to pick her and the groceries up after the poker game. Sis found Mom struggling along the fork with the groceries. At least there were less of them, since Dad lost half the grocery money playing poker last week.)

Fork may also be used as a verb:

An attack by one gaming piece on two gaming pieces at the same time (This is also a guy thing; I don’t understand this whole attack business.)

To raise, carry, pitch or pierce with a fork (You got it. A guy thing, especially the piercing one.)

To give the shape of a fork to, as in fingers raised in victory sign. (Mary smoothed her skirt down as she and Tom emerged from under the bleachers, confused why he forked his fingers in the traditional V when the game wasn’t even half over.)

To launch an attack on two of something (Mary was dismayed to realize that at the same moment he was pinching her bottom, Tom was flirting with Ellen. Tom was a forking bastard, just as her mother had warned.)

To pay (Fork it over, John. I get paid before you get the girl. (Later, the girl will have to fork over money for fines after she’s arrested for prostitution, about the same time John and the pimp are each snuggling in next to someone else.))

To divide into two or more branches (Realizing that he was behind in number of toys, John decided to branch out. Oddly, the pimp he’d met the night before was doing the same thing.)

To use a fork, as in working (Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Mom forked hay into the loft.)

To turn at or travel along a fork (Sis didn’t hesitate when she came to the fork in the road. Tom never remembered.)

The word fork comes originally from the Latin furca. The old English turned this into forca, and by the time middle Englishmen got hold of it, it was forke. The old North French preferred forque, and they managed more of it due to fancy spelling.

This brings us to the fact that men are jokesters. You might have noticed the similarity of the word fork to another word of which they are particularly fond, which also includes piercing.

Why are men such jokesters? A pertinent question. As you may know, female is the default construction for any species. Men start out as female, so to get one you have to do a little clipping, a little bending at a basic level. The bent continues throughout life. The spoon came first, and women are often willing to spoon. The fork evolved, and most men are born with stiffies, ready to fork their lives away.

BTW, did you know that hands start out as spoons? Then the signal for cell death goes out and the result is a five-tined prehensile fork.

P.S. To all my male buddies: you know that I love you all madly, right? And that while I appreciate spoons and couldn’t live without them, it’s really forks that send me? Whoo-hoo!