QotD: You forgot your mom's birthday! What can you make out of super glue and olive pits?

Olive pits? Obviously this requires a trip to the store. Buy ones with pits, you lunkhead, not the ones with pimento. If you must have pimento, buy some of that. Back at home, pit the olives carefully, insert pimento if you wish, and drop into the requisite number of martinis. Sip martini and relax. Flex your fingers.

For your birthday project: first make certain the pits are clean and dry. Now try gluing the tip of one to the end of another. Now do it a bunch of times. When you’re tired (or out of pits) join the last tip to the first end. This will make a beautiful necklace. If you were ambitious, the necklace may be looped twice before placing over the head. If you were anal, make sure Mom is strong enough to support 53 loops before making her wear it. If you’re a lazy butt, she gets a bracelet.

Now we’ll try a more complicated pattern. First glue several pits side to side. When you have a long string, make a couple more. Now lay one string flat. Ease the next string into place, with the tips nudging into the spaces left between the first string’s ends. Repeat with the next string. You get the idea. Continue making strings and gluing into place until you have a solid mat the size you want it.

The simplest gift to make with a mat is a hotplate for the table. This may be roughly square, or by gradually lengthening or decreasing string length, you may form circles, ellipses, rectangles, parallelograms: whatever you think Mom would like. You may also make a welcome mat, which will lessen the amount of dirt tracked into her space. Plaques are also lovely. If you wish to make words, use a magic marker and then gently and carefully subtract the targeted pits.

Now that you know how to make flats of pits, and have learned how to make different shapes, consider larger projects. Some of these will work best with one flat glued to another for strength. Does Mom want a toaster cover? A footstool? A cabana? A tree house? Let your imagination be your guide.

You may find that pit-building is not only good for the occasional project, but is also the perfect hobby. Build away, my friend. Make things for your friends and neighbors. If you let them drink some of the necessary martinis, they will be glad to cart away some of your creations. When you’ve exhausted them, build shelters for the homeless. With your drinking problem, you’ll soon be one of them.