QotD: Which is more important to you and why: flexibility or expandability?

Following is an excerpt from “So You’d Like to Travel” by Dr. O. Ware Onerth, number one choice of professional educators throughout North America, Europe and Patagonia.

Chapter Seven: Flexibility vs. Expandability

So students, having come thus far in our study of inter-universe tunneling, we are about to take our abilities to locate and stabilize a tunnel to the next level. (You did READ the material, didn’t you? No? ‘Your girlfriend did’ is not an acceptable answer: go back and read it yourself!)

A scholarly debate now rages over whether the answer to multiverse travel lies in flexibility or expandability. Basically, this is a question of how to use the tunnel to convey a human body through into a parallel universe, with a satisfactory result on the other side.

Proponents of Flexibility (POF) are currently working on what is jovially called the Black Hole Solution (BHS). You no doubt remember from your grade school science classes that a body, as it approaches a black hole, begins to be stretched. This is due to an increase of gravity combined with a slowing of time. The process does actually stretch any body out like a string of spaghetti. If one becomes sufficiently thin, it may be quite easy to slip through a stabilized tunnel. One set of POF scientists is currently working on a ship that spins so rapidly that the created gravitation will act much as a black hole. Another POF group is currently exploring drug and diet regimes that will bring the human body more in line with the needed thin flexibility. Yet another is experimenting with DNA codes to hybridize humans and spider webs.

Proponents of Expandability (POE) contend that the answer lies in persuading the stabilized end of a naturally occurring tunnel to widen to appropriate size to allow a body through. The College of Women Tunnelologists (CWT) laughingly remarks that with what they know about expanding a simple cervix to allow the passage of an eight-pound child, they have little expectation of success with a method requiring an even smaller entrance to expand to a size to allow so much as a trained demon monkey through. While one POE group has shown significant success in expanding the mouths of various tunnels, they have been stymied by the side effect of new universes popping into existence (which effectively shuts that particular tunnel).

Thought questions:

1.Which theory, POF or POE, do you imagine will win this race? Why?

2.Tell us what you think of BHS and why.

3.What effect will spaghettification have upon human digestion?

4.What problems with the FDA will successful drug regimes have?

5.How do groups such as Hybridization is a No-No (HNN) and Mothers to Save Spider Spinnings (MSSS) impact POF scientists?

6.What impact will tunnel travel have upon high fashion models?

7.Many consider the demon monkey expendable, arguing that they are freaks of nature. Do you favor or oppose this argument?

8.Do you think demon monkeys can actually be trained?

9.Some think CWT is too frivolous to be taken seriously. How can you defend this position without incurring the wrath of women everywhere?

10.How do groups such as Only God Should Make A Universe (OGSMU) and Are You Bloody Well Out of Your Mind (AYBWOYM) impact POE scientists?

Bonus Question: In an essay of 500 words, explain why you would rather be eating double chocolate brownies. (No, you may not type ‘because’ 500 times.)