QOD: What's the earliest you've gotten up to watch cartoons and what did you see?

Should a knowed they was gonna be trouble, soon’s them all from Bascomb come put that steel contraption on Len’s hill. Ain’t costin’ y’all a penny, they says. Free, free, free. Huh! Never seed free a any durn thing afore, ‘n’ I knowed ‘tweren’t no differin’ now. Free got itself a cost sewed right in, same’s everthin’ else.

Everybody’s chatterin’ up ‘n’ down, in ‘n’ out, over ‘n’ under. All ya needs is one a them teevee sets, ‘n’ movin’ pictures come right in ta the house ‘n’ all. Don’t have ta git gas ‘nough to ride on down to Bascomb, ‘n’ don’t got ta give nary a body no quarter for it neither.

Mr. Hensen carries hisself ‘n’ Mr. Todd down to Bascomb t’see ‘bout them sets, ‘n’ they comes back grinnin’ like they’s foxes plumb full a chickens ‘n’ no buckshot in they behinds neither. Them all be gittin’ a right good deal, a deal like nobody ever knowed ta think on afore. ‘N’ they all hauls these boxes inside they houses. Mr. Hensen give me a nod over his shoulder. C’mon then, he say, ‘n’ I go just like that, even knowin’ curiosity done knocked a cat down in the well nine times, ‘n’ one extry to make sure.

I ain’t the only one crowdin’ in, a course, but I git me a fine spot ta see the doin’s. Mr. Hensen he cuts througn that box lickety split, which don’t mean nothing ‘cause it were one a them paper boxes—whatchacallit?—cardboard. ‘N’ why they call it that’s anybody’s guess, ‘cause it sure ain’t a board nor anythin’ like, ‘n’ nobody in they fool of a mind would think ta cut it up ‘n’ play Solitary nor Family Houses nor Catch ‘Em with that.

Inside the box is ‘nother box, this’n with some kinda gray color ‘n’ a glassy side. Mr. Hensen he puts his little ol’ box on the kitchen table ‘n’ unwinds a ‘lectric cord, plugs it in ta the ‘lectric box on the wall. Some a them Jonas kids be jumpin’ ‘n’ touchin’ ‘n’ Mr. Hensen he pushin’ ‘em away gentle-like ‘n’ they don’t care fig one ‘til he up ‘n’ raps the big one in the head. Everbody get all quiet at that, ‘n’ Mr. Hensen goes a pullin’ on these skinny metal whatzits. Rabbit ears, he say with a grin ‘n’ givin’ me a extry little wink. Don’t look like no rabbit ears what I ever seen afore. He commences fiddlin’ with the knobs ‘longside the glassy bit ‘n’ purty soon somethin’s skitterin’ cross that glass ‘n’ a godawful noise is comin’ out a it.

Just a sec now, Mr. Henson say, ‘n’ he keeps on a fiddlin’ with the knobs ‘n’ his metal rabbity ears. Then everbody’s hollarin’ ‘cause they can make out somethin’ on the glassy bit, the screen as Mr. Hensen say. He fiddle one mite more’n they’s a skunk jumpin’ ‘round, talkin’ right funny. Everbody’s eyes is glued on that thing ‘n’ Mr. Hensen sidles on over ta me ‘n’ goes whisperin’ in my ear ‘bout hows I can come when any ol’ ever I wants. Cain’t help smilin’ ‘cause his breath be a strange kind a tickle ‘n’ I feel my ownself leanin’ in his direction.

Purty soon, them teevee sets is goin’ ‘round the clock, yakkity yakkity, ‘n’ folks is comin’ from all over the mountain, bringin’ food ‘n’ whatnot to Mr. Bensen and Mr. Todd ‘n’ settlin’ in best they can for a good long look at them little gray figures singin’ ‘n’ dancin’ ‘n’ doin’ ever fool thing a body could think up. One guy hittin’ ‘nother with a hammer, or droppin’ a brick on his fool head, ‘n’ the guy what oughter be on the floor with his brain leakin’ out his ear don’t do nary a thing but try ta poke t’other guy in the eye. They’s men dancin’ ‘round in women’s dresses, wearin’ silly hats, ‘n’ stuffed birds askin’ riddles, ‘n’ folks headin’ off ta deepest Africa like they’s goin’ on a picnic. I’s tellin’ y’all, whatever goll durn fool thing a body can think up, they’s a’doin’ it, them little bitty gray people.

‘Course, ain’t no never mind a mine if everbody stay all day ‘n’ all night too, lookin’ at them boxes. Git woke up one night ‘n’ my clock sayin’ two in the a.m. Takes me a little walk ‘n’ I see a bunch a folks in Mr. Hensen’s house, watchin’ bears or somewhat on that teevee set. Cain’t see Mr. Hensen ‘n’ I’m wonderin’ how he ever git any shuteye these days. Picture him in my head sleepin’ off in a ditch somewheres, ‘n’ my heart goes right out to him. I goes on back to bed, shakin’ my head. Here’s what free teevee done brang a body to: chased right out’n his own house, ‘n’ riskin’ his health, no doubt.

Nary a body be takin’ much notice when ol’ Mr. Pendergrass carry hisself off to Bascomb. Ain’t nobody much like that ol’ skinflint, ‘n’ he got hisself a nasty manner to boot. So here he come back that selfsame night, ‘n’ he gots hisself a cardboard box, only it be a damn sight bigger’n Mr. Hensen’s ‘n’ Mr. Todd’s boxes both put together. That ain’t all. Mr. Pendergrass got hisself a COLOR teevee set.

Y’all ain’t never seed nothin’ like it. All them folks just runnin’ on up to Mr. Pendergrass ‘n’ turnin’ on the charm, smilin’ ‘n’ curtsyin’ ‘n’ whatall. He done let ‘em all in, ever plumb last one a them grinnin’ idjits. Mr. Pendergrass gits him a look in his eye that’s meanin’ he know just what he got for twistin’ arms to make things go his way.

I’s walkin’ on home when Mr. Henson step on his front porch ‘n’ give me a wave. Feel like takin’ a look? he say, ‘n’ his mouth goes kinda funny ‘n’ all. Shore thing, I says, ‘n’ then I’m walkin’ in, ‘n’ it’s awful warm. Maybe all them folks done heated his house up prime. I grab me a peek at Mr. Hensen ‘n’ I can see him a’sweatin’ so’s I knowed I warn’t the only soul feelin’ the heat.

I give him a little smile ‘n’ say thanks ever so kindly when he offer me a chair ‘n’ ask do I want a piece a Miz Polly Roberts’ famous pecan pie ‘n’ a glass a fresh milk ta wash it down. Cain’t hardly stop grinnin’ by then, ‘n’ I gits sudden butterflies stompin’ ‘round my insides. I ain’t so fond a that teevee a his’n as I got me a yen to see if’n I can git Mr. Hensen’s mouth to do that funny bit agin.