Depression

Always a bad sign when you can't remember your password...

I'd hoped the bouts of depression the last month had to do with being ill, but no...it's just time to adjust the meds again. Each time it happens, I realize I've forgotten just how nasty it can get. And my heart aches when I realize how life must be for my oldest son. He suffers too (like most of his siblings) but we've never found a med that works for him.

When I was younger, I thought my depression was directly tied to the horrors of my childhood, but it's pretty clear we've got a genetic component here. At least, that's what the doctors tell us. My kid's dad suffers from depression as well, so they get the hit from both sides.

It was so scary watching my daughter with postpartum depression...fortunately, we already had her on meds and the docs were watching her because of my history (I'll never forget the day I sat crying, certain that the only way I could save my two little darlings was to kill them--thankfully, I was already on meds and had a good doctor watching me. I sometimes wonder just how bad it can get, and then you see in the news something about some poor new mother going off the deep end).

So anyway, I pretty much shut down, unable to even talk to anyone for a few days. It's still a struggle (always takes a while for the new med to kick in) but I can see little improvements day by day. At least the paranoia is gone now...

It's too overwhelming to think about tracking nutrition just yet, but I'm trying to watch the clock and eat something nutritious every few hours. That's so much more difficult than it sounds. I'm also getting into the pool...luckily, I've had it all to myself the past few days, which helps.

I know there are so many others out there, suffering with this disease that saps the life right out of you. My heart goes out to them all...